Why idiots shouldn't shop

Ah, America...Home of the free, land of the brave.  Home to the stupid, conniving capitalist pigs who think they have a sense of entitlement to haggle in every store that they shop in!  Domain of the losers who hold up the checkout lines by arguing with the cashiers over stupid things like demanding a discount even though they "forgot" their coupon.  Milieu of the aggressive asshole, who, through learned behavior, knows that they can get whatever they want by harrassing the employees, and threatening to "call the manager", or, failing that, the corporate office!

I've been doing a field study lately on Assholeus americanus.  Whenever I am in a store and witness improper behavior, I take note of how everyone around the subject acts.  Most of the other customers start to give them more room automatically, as if they are afraid of being in arm's reach if it comes to blows.  The personnel, usually females, look terrified and quickly get the manager, (for protection, obviously).  The aggressors are usually other females, but occasionally a male will act like a whining little bitch as well.

In my study, males have been quicker to apologize than their female counterparts once the manager arrives.  Males seem to blow up quickly and then stop.  Females seem to have more of a psychosis thing going on where they actually don't recognize that they are being unreasonable.  They are more likely to keep ranting on and on and on until the entire store is watching their childish tantrum.  For me, it's fun to harangue these idiots back, just because they need to get served SO BADLY!

Here are a few of the latest things that I've witnessed:

Woman enters store without coupon, and asks cashier if she can have one.  Cashier informs her that the store doesn't hand out coupons, they are in the newspaper.  Woman, raising voice, says that this is the 3rd week now that she didn't get a circular in her paper.  Cashier repeats that she doesn't have a coupon to give her, as redeemed coupons can't be handed back out to other customers.  Woman , now very angry, demands to see manager! 

Pimme is at the register.  Pimme tells the irate woman to call the newspaper company and complain to them, since they are the one who dropped the ball.  Customer repeats demand to see manager.  Cashier informs customer that she has just paged the manager and that he is on his way.  Pimme informs cashier that she would never want to work in customer service, and that there is nothing in the store to sustain life that the customer HAS to have, on sale or not.  Manager arrives.  Cashier makes Pimme's change.  On the way out, Pimme tells the customer that she needs to go live in a third world country for a year where the main problem there is getting potable water, not worrying whether they can save five bucks on some shit that they don't even need!  Customer looks at Pimme like this is the first time in their life that someone has stood up to them.  Mission accomplished.

Pimme is in line once again.  Two males approach the register.  Store is having an advertised event where all merchandise is on sale.  One male presents a coupon.  Cashier informs customer that coupons can not be used, as all merchandise is on sale and coupons may only be used on regular-priced merchandise. (This is printed on the coupon as well).  Male picks up item, slams it down hard on countertop, and yells at the cashier that he can just get it at a competitor's store.  (He came in from the next city to buy the item, passed 3 similar stores on the way, and takes issue with the fact that he can't get it for the price he wants here.  Of course our town is not going to advertise in the next town--THEY HAVE THEIR OWN STORE THERE THAT RUNS ITS OWN SALES)! 

Pimme tells the guy to stop harrassing the staff, they are only doing their job.  Frightened cashier immediately calls the female manager, who folds and lets the guy use his coupon.  GREAT--now this asshole can go and tell his friends that all you have to do is come in and raise hell, and you can get whatever you want! 

Why have rules at all, if they can be broken so quickly?  Why not just have some extra fine print on the coupon that says, "Coupon not necessary--just come in and start shouting for immediate discount"???  JEEZ!

Another pet peeve of mine is parents who don't control their kids in stores.  Wouldn't you just LOVE to run amok in their homes, pulling stuff off of shelves, breaking things and screeching?  (Oh, that's right--they're so used to it that it means nothing when their kids do it in public too).  I also wonder how many kidnapping incidents take place because the child is not being watched properly? 

On a side note, do you ever happen by the timeclocks in the restroom hall of these places and read all the threatening memos from upper management to the staff?  I think that those memos should be relegated to the break room where prying eyes can't see them.  Once in a g-r-e-a-t while do you see letters of praise, but mostly it's negative stuff like, "ANYONE CAUGHT WITH A CELL PHONE WILL BE FIRED!" or, "THE NEXT EMPLOYEE WHO GETS A COMPLAINT FILED AGAINST THEM WILL BE TERMINATED".  Yeah, that's really fair--say your arch enemy decided to shop there and saw that on their way to take a piss.  Do you really think the "he said/she said" argument would save your ass?

Best to be self-employed and never have to live by anyone else's rules than your own.  Learn a trade instead.  If you have a nasty client, they won't be calling your manager because YOU are in charge!  HAHA, how about them apples?   LOL.

tags: idiots  shopping